Somewhere only we know...

kaaayzeee:

I used to think this town was the problem. That if I could just get out opportunity’s would come crashing at me like waves on a high tide. It’s funny, late at night on summer nights I’d open my window and the light from the moon would light my room up just enough as the breeze of a summer night touched my face, I would dream about getting out. About a house by the lake in a forest where I would wake up and have tea or something healthy and aesthetic, open the windows you know the old ones where they open out. And I would feel this sense of contentment because to me that meant I made it. Having a place that is quiet , peaceful and beautiful it’s all I wanted. How I longed to do things but was too afraid. I would say to myself to go for it because you never know and I’m the end it doesn’t matter, people come and go and people want to go and not support you, you don’t need them. I would tell myself that she was smart and beautiful and that she was enough… but no one told me that and so as time went by I became frustrated it not in the good way, more in the way that I wanted the things that these people had, I wanted it now. I wanted to live a lifestyle that was not mine to live, to impress people who don’t care and to impress myself. I was reckless with money. And in the end it left my frustrated and a slave to the job to pay off my debt. I don’t want this to be a pitty story. I don’t want you to feel bad for me. I want this to help someone out there thinking that money= stuff and stuff = happiness. Stuff doesn’t matter. It won’t get you further. It will keep you stuck in the same way many are in debt. I am not graduated from college. I thought this day wouldn’t come… honestly i did so much to get here spend so much time… and it’s made me realize a lot about society and hughscool. I don’t regret the things I learned and the expiriences I gained. But I do have ways I would do differently. This year, new me. Foreal. I’m going to find a job in graphic design, I’m going to start my business. I’m going to leave my serving job and I’m going to be so good with my money.

kaaayzeee:

8:40am // On my way to school, one of the best bike rides I’ve ever had!

We had just moved into this new neighborhood. A new start, said mom. A place where no one knows us.. to me a place where I don’t know anyone. It’s strange how used to a town you get. How it almost feels like home even outside. familiar, and to someone who craves control is a place I know. This new place I know nothing about. My school is pretty close and I always enjoyed bike rides around my neighborhood before. I felt free, when I got a bike in middle school I would ride it to my friends house any excuse to use it. I would take because it felt like I could go anywhere I felt feee, liberated , in charge.

My new school is only a couple blocks away and it’s less than a 10min bike ride. School doesn’t start for another week but I want to get to know the neighborhood, plus it gives me a chance to get out of the house while my mom and dad fight. Which mom thought would stop but I knew it wouldn’t…

I grab my sneakers from the closet and pat blu on the head as she stares at me with wandering eyes wanting to go with. Blu is my 7 year old golden retriever who the first day that we got her got into my moms blue eye shadow and that’s how she got her name as gliter covered her chin and paws with blue specks I knew Blu was right for her. I yell out “ going for a ride be back soon! And shut the door before I get a response. I head towards the garage where my bike is, the garage door is this old squeaky and hard to open door with a handle that’s loose and doesn’t help. I finally get it open and I throw my blanket and book into the basket in front of my bike. I know there’s a little lake somewhere because I’ve seen it, today we find the shortcut. Summers still got some fuel left in her and I intend to soak It up. I start peddling and notice all the houses I pass and wonder about the people who might live there, I see a lady who grabs my eye she’s a young women. Late 20s early 30s perhaps. They’ve got a nice house, it’s fenced but the gates are the bar ones where you can still see in, she’s opening her windows out as her husband is behind her with a baby making those faces parents always make you know the big open mout almost looks like they are trying to eat the child or looking at a big hot dog… she’s got brunette hair that glistens gold as the sun hits the right side of her face. They seem perfect , the baby is a baby and she looks like she didn’t even birth the child but I can see the milk leak on her shirt . My mom still talks about loosing the baby weight I gave her… a couple houses down as I’m about to turn there is an older lady sitting out on her porch her house is more Victorian style she’s got a red home with a full wrap around porch, man these houses are all so unique , my old neighborhood all the house had the same layout and the difference was how many garages and the color of them. I often think of what older people think about as they sit on their porches they aren’t doing anything most times just staring.

I start seeing some teenagers going into this path so I get off my bike and start walking and I see if. It’s a little path that leads to a deck and the lake. There was big trees that create an arch , it’s beautiful! I just wish I was alone… this path is in between two homes, I wonder if this bugs them how people just walk so close .

I wanted to peek into the house on the right the window was cracked and a curtain was fluttering as the air hit it.. but it looked abandoned. I know I shouldn’t but I really want to know what’s inside. I shouldn’t do it when there’s others around for they could see me. I park my bike and take my blanke and set it down on the edge of the deck and begin to read my book.. the tennagers are talking about going to the 7 Eveleven for snacks, I’m hoping they go but maddy” apparently wants to tan… as if. After what feels like an hour they leave. I wait to make sure no one is coming and they are gone. I grand my stuff and head towards the opened window. I look around and make sure no one is watching. I push the window up more so I can get in and there’s this strange scent like metal can’t describe it, there’s this gray / green slime on the ground that I almost step on. It’s a room , it empty there’s dust and dirt but nothing else. The door To the outside of the room is closed but I can see that the goo leads that way and there seems to be more as I get closer to the door, I put my hand to turn the know and open the door and before the full turn my phone rings and I jump because it’s so loud and let go of the door and my hand is now sticky with the goo. It’s my mom she’s asking me why I’ve been gone so long and that grandma is there and I need to get back now. I want to explore the house and find out what this slime is but I know if I don’t get back now mom will be upset plus I need to make sure I can figure out my way back. I climb out the window again (left bracelet or kids talking about the house) and head home. I get home and grandma is so exited to see me, we have lunch and chat about the new home and my bike ride. After she leaves I head to the bathroom to shower since I’ve been sweaty, I realize my bracelet is gone.. oh no , no no no . I go into the garage and look in the basket for it. I look around the kitchen and outside the house.. then I think about when mom called and I jumped and framed out. Could it have fallen ? Now I need to go back. I tell my mom I left my book at the lake and I’ll be back, if she finds out I lost my bracelet she will freak. I’ll be dead. As i ride back I see the kids from earlier walking the same direction, they say “ hey we saw you earlier “ I stop and think they might be talking about seeing me sneak into the house. I play it cool and say “ what where” and they reply, at the dock silly. I laugh and say oh yeah sorry I get so caught up in my books which I left. They say oh if you left it it’s gone, haven’t you heard of 1335 . I say what is that? They say oh you are new

My feet touch the floor and the wood creaks, the room is covered in a flower pink wallpaper , the smell reminds me of my grandma, the house looks like I walked into the 60s but it’s empty? I wonder if they went out or on vacation I slide my finger through the record player case and accumulate more dust than someone gone for a couple hours..

Moms got a scarf on… which usually means dad hit her and she want things to be okay

(via kaaayzeee)